I've got to be honest friends. I'm struggling right now. I'm caught between two worlds. Talk and walk. One I learned early the other is still on shaky ground. The writing is easy, the living is hard. Words flow. Life fails. The desire to do comes face to face with the longing to be. The cards are dealt. Emotions often play the trump card.
How easy it is to convince myself that playing the game is right and best. It certainly is easier...being all things to all people...dressing the part and doing the expected. Giving in. Pretending to follow suit even when all the cards in my hand wear a different design. Not wrong, just contrary.
It takes courage to be different. All my life I've wanted to blend in. Being an identical twin, that hasn't been easy. Wearing dresses down a jean-clad High School hall doesn't exactly let you pass by unnoticed. More like the Joker in a deck of cards, my life has been on display. Cast in a role, I've played my part well.
Time has come for a little improvisation. From planned to spontaneous, I desire the bars yet to be played flow freely unrehearsed. The musical theory rules that demand chords resolve and songs end in the major key negate reality. I'm not saying life is all minor, but dissonate bars appear.
I may not always be a delightful bright. God paints treasures in darkness. A variety of shades and hues have been hidden. I may not be the family pink, but I can let my colour speak of individuality in who God created me to be.
Hypocrisy has it's own shade of insincerity. Lacking real conviction, like a chameleon, moods and environments blend colours easily. How foolish. How draining. Keeping up appearances is exhausting. Transparency, on the other hand, allows God Himself to shine through.
What colour has God created you to be? Will you join me in letting the world see your true colours?
10 comments:
Hi Joy,
One of the 'traits' of my depression has been the lack of energy to 'wear masks', to play games, so I'm afraid my 'self' has been on my face and demeanor for awhile. It has meant that some people avoid me like the plague, others are very uncomfortable around me, and then there are those who call me 'genuine' and are grateful there is someone who 'understands'...
As we learnt in our last Esther study, advancing God's kingdom, in our lives and in the lives of others, requires transparency--I rather think that God's colours shine through our transparency like a rainbow...
...so, just be who you are...for Him...
Love, Sita
JOy,
Have you heard the song by Francesa Battestelli entitled "Free to be Me". I just love it. Google her and read the words. I think it will speak to you.
I have walked the path you are walking in a somewhat similar way. It was a time where I truly had to make a decision as to whether I trusted the Lord completely or not. As I look back, it was difficult, yet I made HUGE leaps in my faith walk. I bet you will be able to look back in years to come and say the very same thing. God is faithful to make beauty from our ashes.
Praying for and with you.
Leah
You express yourself to beautifully here. Thank you for your refreshing honesty.
Loving you through prayer, friend.
Looking unto Him...
Thanks so much for sharing your heart! I'm praying for you, Joy.
Love,
Beth
May we ALL live free of masks and the pressures to be anything else than who we truly are.
Just wanted you to know that you are still in my prayers, Joy.
Well, I think transparency is a gift. It's a road I continually walk, sometimes to a fault. Like today.
I was asked to sing in church this morning. I went in grumpy, preparing in advance for someone else to screw things up, and when they did, I just began to cry; so heartily, that I didn't care who was sucked in. Gracious, I was a mess, and truly, it was my own undoing. Transparent to a fault...at least on this one occasion.
Most days, I'm able to embrace my true colors, and not wear any masks (thanks for saying that Sita); I want to be a genuine woman who seeks to grow and learn, most days despite myself.
Joy, you are a true heart with a rich coloring, and while I would not wish upon you your current pain and struggle, I'm seeing something beautiful in you ... a growing masterpiece worthy of the throne room of heaven.
I love you, friend. Now, if I could just see the colors in PERSON!!! Won't you reconsider "She Speaks?"
peace~elaine
Joy,
I so appreciate your written words this morning as both my hubs and I are in the fiery furnace of our own convictions at we continue on in God's word and what He speaks to us through THEM. What we see and what we are being told are not matching and I'm extremely transparent. So with that, after church a few came up to ask me if I was ok, as that transparency was written across my face. EVIDENT for all that dared to look.
I stand on Galatians 5:1 this morning.
Bless you,
Yolanda
Thanks for the challenge - seeking my true colors - hoping to let them shine.
Wow, truly the Lord has gifted you in expression with words. And truly you are radiant with His love!
This reminds me of the book by Michael Card. I can't remember the title right now, but the subtitle is "the lost art of lament".
I read it after the loss of my brother. You are in such a season.
God is watering your soil,which always comes with clouds. All the while your roots are going deeper. Keep drinking.
I am recalling a song...maybe you know of it, from a few years back..."broken and spilled out".
Joy,
I just delivered a lecture at CBS about "living in the separated land of Goshen." It encouraged me a lot to remind myself that while Egypt may have been the "fun" or "popular" land, Goshen was the most "fertile" land. Goshen was where God was!! I am hoping to blog more on this soon but your post just seemed to fit with my thoughts. I think your colors are gorgeous my friend, keep your head up!!
Love,
Kelley
Post a Comment