The many shades of Christian Camouflage

I just received a new Spring/Summer catalogue from a major department store. As I browse through the new clothing fashion trends, I can't help but notice that the camouflage print is still prevalent. There was a time when it only came in 'army green', but now it's available in a wide range of colours. You can blend in and hide just about anywhere. I was wondering what colours I have worn to disguise myself.

Are there days when you just wish you could disappear and fade into your surroundings? What about develop a new identity? Maybe join a witness protection program and just start all over again with a different name and fresh start? Yesterday that was how I was feeling. I was joking with my husband that he needs to take a new job in the States (I'm Canadian..eh) and I could leave behind all the situations and people that are suffocating the life out of me.

When circumstances overwhelm, there are times I search my closet for some "Christian camouflage" so that outwardly my life will appear like everyone else, while inwardly a battle rages. Visibly I look the part, but my attire conceals a hurting heart that is unresponsive and wasting away.

This religious apparel comes in many shades, shapes and sizes. It's a hypocritical covering that needs to be addressed and undressed. It's so easy for others to assume my spiritual depth, and therefore have my heart go unnoticed, when I carry the right Bible, lead two Women's Bible studies, hold a diploma from a Bible school, write for a Women's newsletter and speak at different Ladies events.

For me, writing has been my colour of camouflage choice and my place of safety. Growing up in a Christian home, I learned very early the 'right' answers and had no problem articulating the expected words and responses, but they came from an empty heart. My ritual religiosity kept me from searching the depth of my being to discover the girl inside. I'm tired of the war within, yet I've lived like this for so long, that at times it just seems like it would be so much easier to just sever all ties here and move to some remote place where I could be free to begin again.

Lately God has been awaking this atrophied adventurer from her comfort-fit, camouflage Christianity and calling me to be all He created me to be. New colours and shades are going to be part of my wardrobe as He dresses me in all He has planned for me.

If you don't believe me...check out the daring purchase He encouraged me to buy just a couple of days ago (see "My Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat" post last week). Look out world....here I come!