Friday, March 27, 2009

Lost at Sea


"My Daddy had to go away,
But he'll be back most any day
At any moment I might see
My Daddy coming back to me."

Restless and sleepless, silently those words repeated in my head at 3:00am this morning. I see Shirley Temple's little, tear-stained, cherub face in "The Little Princess", as she recited that rhyme, longing for her Daddy's return.

My heart is so there. After a painful visit at the hospital last night, I want to pound my fists against my Daddy's chest. I want to grab his face in my hands and scream at him to remember me. If my sobbing and desiring were only enough.

Last night throughout my entire visit, my Daddy thought he was on a ship, sinking out at sea. He felt he had no connection with the mainland and that foes were surrounding him. At one point he was certain he heard an airplane overhead and he quickly called for help to flag it down. Maybe it would bring rescue. He encouraged SOS messages to be sent over the radio. Help is needed.

Friends, help IS needed. SOS messages are storming heaven 24/7. We are waiting for that rescue. Daddy was in unbelievable torment last night. Rubbing his head. Afraid. Too afraid to close his eyes and rest as he was certain he would drown in enemy waters surrounding him.

My night has been filled with silent cries. Tears have washed my pillow.

"What do we do when we want to give in because it seems too hard?" I run again into my Heavenly Father's arms. I cry on His shoulder. You Lord, are my refuge and my portion in the land of the living (Psalm 142:5). Chart my Daddy's ship back to the mainland. Be His Life-Preserver.

Lyrics to old hymns flood my mind. "Bridge over troubled waters". "It is well with my soul". "Ship Ahoy". But, it's a childhood chorus, words slightly altered, that is the cry of my heart this morning.

Bring back,
Bring back,
Bring back my Daddy to me, to me
Bring back,
Bring back,
Bring back my Daddy to me.

Praying for renewed hope and courage - especially this afternoon at 2pm. A meeting, not of our doing, has been called. My mom, my sister and I will meet with two Dr's, the Director of Surgical Care, another hospital Director and a Social Worker to discuss the condition and future of my Dad. Needing divine wisdom and guidance.

Thanks for listening. Sorry for not having more of a word of encouragement today.

Love y'all

I am so humbled by the love, comments, prayers, verses that I have just come back and found here now. The Lord knew I would be needing to feel surrounded and hugged when I arrived home.

I am still trying to process all we heard this afternoon at the meeting. Short of a miracle, the man I knew as my Daddy will not be coming back to me. He has now been diagnosed with dementia and will probably not be coming home due to the violent tendencies he is exhibiting. Although my mind had already expected this diagnosis, my heart is fighting to accept and receive it.

It has been a long, tiring afternoon. Many more decisions lay ahead. THANK YOU so much for all your love, prayers and support. The Lord is my portion. I'm so glad He spoke those words to me yesterday...I am still clinging to Him today.

My family and I would still appreciate your continued prayers whenever you think of us. Trying to process this...

I love you all,


Leah said...

I am soooo praying for you. God bless your family.


Julie Gillies said...


You're in a hard place, and I'm so sorry. I pray God's peace on you in the midst of this storm, my friend.

Praying for you and your family, Joy.


Cheri Bunch said...

Sweet Joy,

I love you!


Melanie said...

I've already prayed for your dad this morning and will continue to do so.

Lori said...

Praying for God's wisdom and guidance...turning everything over to Him. Praying that He showers you with His strength each minute, today.

Marilyn in Mississippi said...

Wish I knew what to say. Just know that I am praying. May God bless you and give each of your wisdom today at the 2:00 meeting.

Your friend in MS,


Heather said...

Dear Joy,
I am praying, have been praying and will continue to pray.

I love you.

"The name of the Lord is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe." Proverbs 18:10

Beth E. said...

I'm so sorry your dad is having such a hard time. What about the doctor who performed your dad's surgery...will he also be meeting with you?

Continuing to pray...

Kathy S. said...

Oh Lord, when we can't see your hand...we must trust your heart. Help Joy find the peace that passes understanding in her cries to you. Give her a heart @ peace despite circumstances. Deliver Daddy from the tormenting enemy that is buffeting him. I pray your Spirit will surround him with songs of deliverance. Replace the torment with hope and peace. You can do it, Lord Jesus! You are mighty! You are Good!! Please move this mountain!! and bless my friend despite the storm raging around her. We love and trust you Jesus!

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

my heart is very sad...


Catherine said...

Love you so much friend. Holding you close in my heart and continuing to lift all of you up before the Throne of Grace.

(((hugs))) c xoxo

Karen said...

i am so sorry, your dad is such a kind, wonderful man and it breaks my heart to hear of his prognosis and your sorrow. i am praying God will wrap you all in His mighty arms and give you His peace and comfort each and every moment.
You're in my heart and prayers,
much love, karen

Unreasonable Grace said...

Oh Joy,
My heart breaks for you. I'm continuing to lift you up in prayer. And it's not just ALL I can do, it's the BEST I can do.

Tracie Miles said...

Joy, I am praying for you. I know you are so sad, I pray God will give you a peace that you were not expecting, and cannot explain. In His love,

B His Girl said...

Joy, I pray for God's peace to surround your family. I also ask for His wisdom and guidance to be given to you for your father's care. Barbara

Sita said...

Hi Joy,
Still knowing that God is still in the details, I ache with you but also trust in His Providence over you all. If you have the time pop by to listen:
Love, Sita

Lysa TerKeurst said...

Praying for you sweet friend!

Hugs to you~


Melissa said...

I am just reading this for the first time tonight. I don't feel like I have words for you. I'm just so sorry. No matter how old we are, our parents are still our "mommy and daddy"....and we need them and just can't imagine life without them. Joy, I'm so sorry.

I love you. I will be praying for you, your family, and your daddy.

Hayley Grace was reading your post with me. I told her, "Hayley Grace, this is the lady that sent you the mirror that said 'I am beautiful'". She said, "Oh Mommy, I will pray that her daddy will come back."

Love you big time Joy.

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

Praying for you and hurting along with you.

You are blogging my Dad's story.

Many nights I would just walk out of the hospital and get in my car so I could scream. Then I would go back in for my shift and watch him be in more torment...and then watch those taking care of him, talk to him as if he were not even a man.

You are in a place I have been and it hurts so much.

With love,

Joy in The Truth said...

Oh, heart is aching reading this, feeling the ache in your heart. Joy, I know you are clinging to your Heavenly Father. As you do, His peace will fill your heart, mind and soul. May you see His faithfulness and perfect love throughout these days. May He give you a generous portion of Himself each day.

Psalm 73:26
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Love, hugs and prayers,

Renee Swope said...

Sweet Joy,

My heart just breaks each time I hear of your sadness. I know your heart is in so much pain watching your Daddy drift away and suffer so much in the midst of it all. I am not going to stop praying for a miracle to bring Him back. God brought me to this verse for you this morning:

"God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear when earthquakes come and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!A river brings "joy" to the city of our God, the sacred home of the Most High. God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed. From the very break of day, God will protect it." Psalm 46:1-5 (NLT)

Praying for you and your whole family!


Amy L Brooke said...

I am praying comfort for you. You are always in God's hands, but I know that it is a difficult thing to go through.

Anonymous said...

Hi Joy Paul just gave me the address for your blog and I saw the other address too. I have them both in my favorites now. I just want you to know as much as possible my heart is there with you all and I keep holding this all up to God keep Jer. 29:11 in my face. I love you so much and am praying. I send you all a hug as much as that is possible when I am so far away. As you Mom has written to me over and over for so many years BUT GOD . . . love and prayers jane