Thursday, March 12, 2009

Forsaken heart is hurting so deeply, I don't know what to say.

Another error occurred yesterday. Another mistake. Evidence of incompetancy. I'm struggling with responding in grace.

I need prayer.

"Do not forsake the works of Your hands."

I just got off my knees.

Four more calls from the hospital.

Dad has gone completely out of control. No-one can restrain him. He removed all his clothes...all his can do anything with Him. He is violent. Friends...this is not my Daddy.

I'm crying out to the Lord....I'm sobbing, on my face, in His presence...

I just finished praying..."Where are you, Lord? You have promised never to leave us. Do not forsake my Daddy. If I can't hold on to You and know You are there, I have nothing".

What's happening? I don't understand. I'm so frightened I'm disappointing the Lord in my reaction.

Do years of following Him mean nothing now? My questions scare me...I don't want the evil one to take hold...Lord, I so desperately need you.

Again...His words to me this morning come..." are lacking nothing". Is it there and I'm just not receiving it?

Lord, fill my lack.

(My Mom does not know this news yet...she is out with a friend doing some grocery shopping...we will tell her shortly. I don't know how much more her heart can take..)


heartreflections said...

It is our total lack of understanding and power when God is strong. He is holding you up today through these seemingly out of control circumstances. Turn your eyes to the truth. God is soverign and He continues to reign. Praying you through dear friend in Christ. ~Shane

Just me~ Bobbie Jo said...

((((((((((hugs & prayers to you & your family))))))))))

Yolanda said...

Loving you with my heart and my prayers for you and your family.

KimAmburn said...

I'm praying for you and your family. Hold on - God is there. He's supporting you, he's beside you when you are on your knees. You may not feel Him right now, but He's there.

Isaiah 41:10 - 'So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.'

Beth E. said...

My heart aches for your Dad, you, and your family! I am storming the gates of heaven for you, praying continuously for the miracle your father needs.

Meek does not mean weak! You and your family are your dad's health advocates. He cannot fight for himself. Continue to fight for him to receive the medical care he deserves. You can do this firmly and effectively, trusting God to guide you to the right people and uphold you as you speak to them. HE will give you wisdom to know what to do and say.

Is there any way your dad can be moved to another hospital?

Thank you for keeping us updated.

We love you...

Wanita said...

How difficult it is to see those we love so dearly in so much pain. Your daddy, you, and the rest of your family are in my prayers.

I understand somewhat how you feel because my mom went through some terribly difficult times due to mistakes in her medical treatment ~ mistakes that were the result of incompetence. To complicate things further, she had Alzheimer's and was afraid of strangers and could not understand what was happening to her. Many times I asked the Lord what His plan was and why Mom had to go through so much pain.

All I can tell you is to hold on tight to Jesus, which I know you are doing. The answer to "why" may not come this side of heaven, but I know that God will sustain all of you.

With love and prayers,

Beth said...

Still praying for all of you, Joy. Just know that God is still there, even if you can't feel Him right now. He's always there...

hkudla said...

Still praying Joy,
You were heavy on my heart this morning and I was praying for you... before I ever opened up my computer.

Now that I know more specifics, I will continue on my knees for you. And when I don't have the words to pray, I know that God's Spirit prays when we don't have the words... with groans too deep for words.
I love you.

Melinda said...

Sweet friend...

The first verse that came to mind was 2 Timothy 2:13:

"[Even] if we are not faithful, He will still be faithful, because He must be true to who He is."

There is no possible way that God can be unfaithful, even if everything happening around us seems to say differently. He cannot be otherwise.

Remember that we are living with a view of the underside of a tapestry - our view is only that of knots and twisted threads; colorful, but random and messy. Our view from heaven will be the glorious pattern of the topside...a beautiful picture that will make perfect sense and will be enjoyed for eternity.

Love and big ol' hugs to you this day,

Sita said...

Joy, You are NOT disappointing God in your response...this is the God who knows you...
just heard this moments like this, keep on saying..."God IS WITH me in this.." He has not forsaken you..."Father, I ask You simply to guard against the enemy with his fiery darts of harassment. Place a wall of fire around each member of this family so that no evil may penetrate. Especially I ask that Your healing touch be administered to Joy's father's body where it has gone awry. I pray against any more incompetence. I also pray that justice and restitution will be served here, for this is probably not an isolated case.
I pray that You will show Your mighty power, show You reign. Bring all the support that this family needs. In the mighty Name of Jesus, I pray, Amen."

Leah said...


Our loving Father has your Daddy firmly in His hand. It is so hard for us to understand why He allows difficulties. Think on His past faithfulness and know He cannot be unfaithful to us.

I would strongly suggest you move your Daddy to a different facility. he is obviously not getting good care.

So sorry this is happening.


Anonymous said...

Hi Joy,

I really feel in my Spirit this is an attack from the enemy. He's using this situation to weaken your faith.

But you my friend have the power in Jesus Name to bind every force of evil and destruction lurking in that hospital. God can not do it, because he gave that power to you, to use in this earth. He will stand behind every promise he has made to you as his precious daughter. He will bind on earth if you will bind it. Matt. 18:18

Use your anger to target the enemy, because he is one behind the scenes during this damage. Always remember its Satan who has come to steal, kill and destroy. St. John 10:10

I encourage you to stay in God's presence until you can boldly say without a shadow of doubt, God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble! Let God arise and his enemies be scattered!

I'm praying for you.


Debbie - North Carolina

Catherine said...

Oh Joy, I'm so sorry! When I talked with Grandma she was sharing the good news of him resting some last night and now this. Words fail me and you know that never happens. Love you so much friend. Surrounding all of you in prayer and lifting you before the Throne of Grace. When we don't have the strength to do it ourselves is when family and friends gather around and lift you up to Him. You are being held up to Jesus by many around the world. He understands your questions and loves you. Curl into Him and He will hold you close...questions and all.

Love and hugs sweet friend. xoxo

Paula (SweetPea) said...

Oh, sweet Joy, my heart hurts with you. There are no words. I can feel your pain. Do not fear God's reaction to your anger and confusion. He knows. He hears. He loves you. It is so hard in painful times to feel Him. I know I've experienced that...wondering where are You Lord. In my deepest despair why do I not feel You, Lord.

My heart and prayers with you.

Melanie Dorsey said...

The Lord has brought you and your dad to my mind at different times since you first posted on this.
I'm sure MANY are praying.
Can you transfer him elsewhere? You are within your rights to do so.
Don't be afraid of disapointing God with how you feel even how you feel about HIM. He already knows.
When I recently went through a bad situation due to an accident I had a few days of feeling very distant and not even feeling like praying.
God knew that.
When you feel you can't endure any longer, trust in the prayers of others to pull you through.
Continuing to stand in prayer with you.

Melanie Dorsey said...

I wanted to add that it might be in the best interest of your mom to withhold this last turn of events. If that is possible.

Melinda said...

I wanted to direct you over to the LPM blog (if you haven't already been there) for a post by Melissa on lament. Powerful stuff there - thought of you the whole time I read it.

Joy in The Truth said...

Dearest Joy:

You, your parents and your family have been so on my heart and in my prayers. I pray that this day has brought you some relief, some answers and His deep peace.

Thank you for trusting us with your deepest things of your heart. We are all covering you in prayer.

Looking unto Him,

Julie said...

I've had those same questions at times....

He is there in your midst, holding you while you wrestle with your faith...... Your faith will survive.
You will find Him and His heart totally and completely again. In the midst of all that does not make sense, you WILL see Him, for HE will make sure of it.

I am so sorry, so very, very sorry....

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Beth and I are on our way...and the car is loaded for bear!!!

You know that I love you; left you a message moments ago. Call me if you want.


Runner Mom said...

You precious friend! Bless your heart! I am so so sorry for all that you are going through. God is so close to you...He is hearing everything and enveloping you in His love. Remember Isaiah 41:10. Continue to hold fast to Him and pray without ceasing. You are so loved and very much covered in prayer!!

Love you bunches!

I would take Melanie's advice and not tell your Mom quite yet!

Sita said...

Like Melinda, I found Melissa's post (LPM) powerful..pray it ministers to you too..
Love, Sita

HIS Daughter said...

I prayed for you...actually touching the picture of your face with my hand...and the other hand lifted up to Our GOD.

I know this pain of frustration and agony with parents. GOD has not forsaken you, JOY...HE will not do that. HE will send HIS Holy Spirit to the deepest part of your soul and let you feel HIS love.

YOU are in a war and you are a warrior. You have a Warrior KING and HE is watching you wield the sword at the enemy becoming the Warrior Princess HE wants you to be.

Stay strong...the battle always belongs to the LORD. HE doesn't promise it will go as we want always...but hang in their through this pain...there is glory at stake in this battle.

Praying with you as we stand,

Rick said...

It sounds like your family is going through a lot. Hang in there. God is still in control.

Kimberly said...

Please know that I am praying for you...that God has kept you on my heart. Even though we don't know one another, my heart hurts so much for you as I see your comments at Lysa's.

I am lifting you up to the One who will never leave you or forsake you and praying that He would show you glimpses of His presence, power, and sweet provision even today.

Love and prayers,

Kim said...


Keep crying out to the are NOT forgotten! He is right there hearing your cries for your Daddy.

I am praying for you and that you will be encouraged by all your bloggy friends whom YOU have encouraged in the past.


Dee said...

Joy, I don't know you personally, of course, but your post has touched me greatly. I prayed for you as I read your response to Melissa's post, and then I read your Forsaken. I praise God that He enables us to feel the pain of others. I pray that the God of all comfort will be especially near to you and to your precious mother in this devestating season. I pray that you will be encouraged by the prayers of so many sisters who are lifting you up. Thank you for showing us how we can pray for you.