Recently my Mom gave me a folder filled with my past school report cards. Although I wasn't a stellar student, it's been interesting to look over my grades and even more enlightening to read comments made by teachers. Year after year the same observation was made: "Joy is a quiet, timid, shy girl."
Not surprisingly, Joy became a quiet, timid, shy woman. My life has been characterized by insecurities and fear. I've always second-guessed, felt second-best and struggled to measure up to expectations. As a child I was the one chosen last for sports teams. "Well, I'll take Joy", never seemed to hold much enthusiasm. I didn't excel in athletics, so I wasn't really an asset to a group of players who wanted to win. I wasn't the popular girl, nor was I part of the "in crowd". I was average. Lost in a shuffle of over and under achievers. I didn't fit in. I was just one of the crowd.
Two nights ago something happened and my heart is overflowing. I find myself speechless. As I crawled into bed and snuggled under the covers, a foreign feeling enveloped me and a smile spontaneously spread uncontrollable across my face. A sensation that almost took my breath away captured me.
Acceptance.
Earlier in the day I had been reading some recent e-mails and blog comments that I had received and a sense of worth washed over me. New friends were actually reading my meager thoughts and finding value and encouragement in the words the Lord had given me to share. I have spent so much time watching years pass by, sitting on the sidelines, going unnoticed, afraid, but writing has brought me back to life again. The numbness is gone. I'm feeling again...not just my faithful companions of doubt and despair...but joy...REAL JOY! A new song is being written. I am a melody and at this moment God is using only the good notes.
This blog address is "Princess Joyful", but I've been living like a pauper within my kingdom. God has so much available to me that is rightfully mine as part of my inheritance in Christ. The Lord alone gives my life worth and I know I shouldn't need anything else to make me feel valued, but God blessed me with a moment of complete bliss. I was surprised by joy!
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7 comments:
I'm so glad to hear how this wonderful world of blogging is touching your life sweet friend.
For the past 2 years I've made the most amazing friends here and had the opportunity to meet many of them in person. Their words are encouraging. Their messages uplifting. Their prayers humbling.
God has blessed you with such a great talent and I am so glad that you're using it for Him...and that we get to enjoy the blessing too as we read and learn from what you have written.
Should God open the doors for you to go to 'She Speaks' you may have the opportunity to meet some of the wonderful ladies you're meeting online! Cool!!!
Love you friend. Thank you so much for the wiggly ladubug treat. She's adorable and reminds me of the adorable, wiggly bundle of love that God is preparing for me.
(((hugs))) and prayers, Cath xoxo
BEAUTIFUL as you are beautiful. Just as God planned you to be!
Isn't it so awesome how God gives us those glimpses, in the dark of the night, when everthing around us is silent, and He truly has our undivided attention?!!!
Lovngly,
Yolanda
Joy,
Just wanted to take a minute and say that your writings on your blog have been a great inspiration to me in the past few weeks! I have used some of your thoughts in my ladies Sunday school class. I tend to have a lot of the same insecurities that you talk about having so can really identify with a lot of the things you write about. Keep up the good work!!
I LOVE pondering---my friends say it's catching. I can ponder over the tiniest things or be curious over the silliest. WOO HOO for our God who is bringing forth the song He has written for you. I will have to come back to your site when I have more time to ponder through with you.
Joy:
I, too, have known the rejections of childhood. They've gone a long way into scripting how I've felt about myself. Thankfully, God has given me a new view. It's not come by accident. It's come by deliberate pursuit of Him and by being obedient to what he is telling me to do.
Part of that obedience has been to "write"...even when I didn't think I had anything to say. Write...not for the approval of man...but for God's approval. You are his child, and you are seeing some of the fruit of your obedience.
I'm excited for the days ahead and want to encourage you to keep penning your thoughts. From one writer to another...keep to the practice and you will be surprised where God will take you.
peace~elaine
Oh girl I wish I could give you a great big old hug!! I have said it before but I will say it again, you bless me more than you know! I was never a part of the popular, or "in crowd" either. In fact, it wasn't so long ago that I didn't have any friends at all. I was so busy with kids and terribly unsure of myself. It was something I prayed and prayed about and now I see that God has been more than abundant in answering that prayer! I look at who I am today and I can't believe who I see. The older I get the more confident and brave I am. I guess age has its benefeits after all.
BTW-I got your email and I plan to respond I have just been swamped with kids, writing my lecture and life in general. I promise to write soon, until then consider yourself cyber-hugged.
Love, Kelley
How sweet! I can relate as well.
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