Monday, March 23, 2009

I Hate Roller Coasters!


Well friends, since my last post we have been on such a roller coaster ride. I could post an update in the morning, and an hour later my report could be null and void. With every dip and turn in this ride of life, my heart plunges and beats wildly. The operator of the ride is refusing to hit that stop button. It's like a cruel game. We're riding the track endlessly and my head is spinning.

Although the pictures I've posted of my Dad give the appearance of recovery, Dad is still struggling. Physically he continues to improve, but mentally Dad is contending for control.

It's really hard to be known and loved in the morning, and forgotten and verbally attacked in the afternoon. The change is sudden and unpredicted. Slight, fidgety movements announce it's arrival. Abruptly and unexpectedly, my Daddy is gone and in his place is a man I don't recognize. A man who's words hurt, frighten and accuse.

Wanting to believe that God can still touch my Dad and perform a miracle. In an instant I know the Lord could bring clarity out of confusion. Holding on and trusting Him.

"Faith without works is dead". Decisions must be made in the meantime. Tough decisions. Please pray for my Mom, my sisters and I as we must grasp this new 'normal'...at least for now. Pray the Lord will give guidance and wisdom. Pray for direction and unity.

As we stand in the middle of our "Jordan" right now, pray that the Lord will keep our feet planted on dry ground, trusting in a God who will not let our feet slip (Psalm 121:3).

18 comments:

Heather said...

My dear friend,
Oh how I hate to see you going up and down like this. I love roller coasters at an amusement park, but not the "life" roller coasters.

Jesus, hold on tight to Joy and her family. You know everything, every detail of her daddy, and you know what is going on in his mind, body, and spirit. Lord, please bring clarity to her daddy, that the times of clarity he does have now, that are such joys would lengthen and strengthen. I the meantime, give Joy, her sisters, and her mother the strength to make difficult decisions. But also the strength to hang onto You in the midst of their pain, and hurt, confusion and worry. Help them lay everything at Your feet, climb up onto Your lap and rest, feeling Your loving arms around them.
Bless them with rest, with wise counsel, and most of all with Your peace that transcends all understanding... may Your peace guard their hearts and their minds in Christ Jesus.
It's in His precious name I pray,
Amen.

Love you.
Heather

Teresa @ Grammy Girlfriend said...

My heart just breaks for you. My Dad became so angry that I literally feared walking in his room. Several times he acted like he was going to hit me...this was a man that every minute of his life before, he had total control of his emotions.

I hope I can share this and you understand, but when my Dad died 8 months after he became sick. He was 81 and until that time had never spent one night in the hospital. EVER

When he became sick and that's a long story in itself, he lived 8 months , never came home and eventually died of pneumonia. He was tormented. As we stood at his casket, his doctor, who was a family friend, put his arm around me and said, "Teresa, pneumonia was your Dad's friend" and I so understood that.

I send my love,
Teresa

Zoe said...

Joy,

You crack me up girlfriend with your comments on my blog. Hey, how did you see the brochure for this weekend's event? I haven't seen anything.
Continuing to pray for you

Leah said...

Joy,

MY heart aches for you and your family. It is so hard watching your parents age and decline. I know the Lord will help you with the decisions that must be made, but that doesn't make them any easier to me.

When my Daddy was in the last stages of cancer, we, actually I since I am the medical person in the family, had a conversation with his doctor about pain control. The doctor said to me, "Leah you know we can control Wayne's pain but it will hasten his death." I instructed him to control the pain at all costs--even hastened death.

Joy, I knew the Lord was with us during that time but it was still oh, so hard. May God hold you closely to His heart.

Leah

I am praying for you.

Leah

Lutiemom said...

Joy,
I have been checking your blog regularly for updates...my heart goes out to you and your family. May our God of Peace fill your hearts as you travel through this difficult time.
I am thinking of you and praying for you regularly.
Nancy

Catherine said...

Praying, praying, praying Joy. For Grandpa's healing as well as all the difficult decisions your family is making.

Love you friend. xoxo

Beth E. said...

Yes, it is very difficult to watch the loved ones suffering from mental decline. I have dealt with this issue personally.

Praying for God to heal your father physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Praying for you, too, sweet Joy.

Sita said...

Joy,
Keep on holding on for dear life to the Solid Rock, the Unchanging in this season. He has all you need. Because you have shared your 'process' so openly, you now have the prayer support of more people than you know, people who do not comment, yet understand, and pray.
Continuing to pray with you,
Love, Sita

Runner Mom said...

Bless your precious heart, darling friend! This roller coaster is not a fun one to enjoy. I am keeping y'all in my prayers and will continue to do so. Keep holding tightly to God. He is there with you even though it might not seem that way.

Love you!
Susan

Cheri Bunch said...

I hate roller coasters, too. Real ones and emotional ones! They are not fun!
I am praying for you, Joy.
I wish there was more I could do for you and your family.
Hang in there, Joy.....The Lord is within reach.......He is hanging onto you!

Love you,
Cheri

Lori said...

Dear Joy,
"I will never leave you or forsake you." Hebrews 13:5
As you, your mom and sister's cling to God, I pray that he guides you, grants you wisdom, and holds on tight to you as you all experience this ride of your life!

Praying dear sister,
Love,
Lori - Mesa - AZ

Paula (SweetPea) said...

There's nothing that says God won't transform your dad completely or even just more. Don't give up believing. I think we are to accept life to a degree how it is now but never doubt He won't perform a mightyy miracle. Never give up believing He will do this. I'm proof...21 months of the love of my life being gone from my life (not this earth). The court system and he say we are done, capoot, finished, divorced, over, never again. My Lord says in His Word that we are still hubs and wife. My Lord raised the dead. My Lord will raise the dead again...a dead marriage. Your Lord can raise your dad from this pit of loss.
You are in the best place...the Lord's Hands. Keeping trusting, keeping clinging, keep gripping if only my your fingernails.
Love,
Paula

Yolanda said...

Oh Sweetie,

I continue to pray for you.

Lovingly,
Yolanda

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

Thanks, Joy, for the update. One thought caught me in particular...

"Dad is still contending for control..."

It says it all really; both in his life and through his confusion, and in a different way, in our lives.

When control becomes the issue, we've got a problem.

Love you, Joy. Call anytime. I'll be home after 9:00 tonight, or just facebook me if you can catch me on long enough to find me.
peace~elaine

Melanie said...

Praying still.
Melanie@Bella~Mella

Marilyn in Mississippi said...

Joy,
It's never easy to see a loved one suffer but it seems that as long as they are in their right mind it is a little easier....on them and everyone else. It's especially hard when it's a parent....one who we have always looked up to and honored and obeyed. It's hard to see them not being able to take care of themselves. I remember one night staying with my Dad in the hospital a few weeks before he died. He was so weak most of the time that he could hardly get from the bed to a chair without a lot of help. Yet this particular night they had given him something to "help" him sleep and it did just the opposite. I had trouble keeping him in the bed. He would see people coming in the door with guns he thought. (Not!) Neither of us got any sleep. Thankfully he was never abusive to us except for a few times near the end. The mind is a "fearfully and wonderfully made" thing. A good friend was telling me the other day about her 90 year old grandmother with Alshimers (sp). She said Granny was the finest Christian woman she knew. Read her Bible, went to church, lived a godly life. But now that her mind is so bad she is really hateful and even curses and sometimes talks extremely vulgar. Things that she would blush to know were coming out of her mouth were she well. So sad. I guess I'm rambling now. Sorry. I do hope that your Dad starts feeling like himself very soon. And for those decisions you will have to make, may God bless you as you travel that road. Been there and done that too. Not easy. Hold on tight as that roller coaster goes up and down! I pray the operator can find the Stop button soon!

Love ya,
Marilyn

On Purpose said...

Dear God thank You for Joy and her obedience to You. For she truly has found the meaning of obedience to You. Obedience out of a love realationship with You. She cries out to You and she KNOWS You will answer her. Father God I ask for wisdom and discernment and peace for the decisions that need to be made. You are a mighty God with the power to perform miracles and the love to back them up! Thank You Father God-Amen

Joy said...

It is a hard thing to watch and to experience. This isn't the daddy you always knew. I'm so sorry.
I will pray for peace for you and your mother and family.


Joy