Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Physically Dad is coming around. He still has a catheter, but he is now eating well and enjoying his meals. We bring in his favourite home-made treats which he thoroughly enjoys and devours. He walks with his therapist every day and is comfortable sitting up in a chair. On a couple of occasions we have had opportunity to take Dad downstairs in a wheelchair and this change of scenery seems to give him great pleasure. Today when we arrived Dad had finished shaving and tidying up his room. Everything looked so clean and neat. If only his mind was just as 'tidy'!
Dad is still struggling between reality and fiction. I believe this is our 'new normal'. He has no recollection each morning that his family has been with him the day before. Our entrance each day is always a 'first'. Although he can still tell time, he has no concept of it. He often remembers events in the distant past, but forgets things that have occurred only seconds before.
When he is passive he resembles a sweet little child, just wanting to be loved and cared for by his family. We embrace such times. Then suddenly, without warning, we begin to see agitation. It manifests itself in several ways. Fidgeting is a forerunner. Pacing. Organizing. A glassy stare. We prepare ourselves for a mood change.
This evening Dad called three different family members, begging them to come and take him home. Oh Dad, if only we could. If only home really could be a safe place for you right now. Father, can You help Daddy know that He can be at home with You? Help him rest in knowing that You will never leave him or forsake him.
Many decisions need to be made. Please pray the Lord will grant us wisdom and unity. As I sat and looked through information on different care facilities and options last evening, the choice that appeared so clear when it was far away, seems unbelievably difficult and impossible now. Father, show us what You desire for my Daddy and Your child.
Friday, March 27, 2009
But he'll be back most any day
At any moment I might see
My Daddy coming back to me."
Restless and sleepless, silently those words repeated in my head at 3:00am this morning. I see Shirley Temple's little, tear-stained, cherub face in "The Little Princess", as she recited that rhyme, longing for her Daddy's return.
My heart is so there. After a painful visit at the hospital last night, I want to pound my fists against my Daddy's chest. I want to grab his face in my hands and scream at him to remember me. If my sobbing and desiring were only enough.
Last night throughout my entire visit, my Daddy thought he was on a ship, sinking out at sea. He felt he had no connection with the mainland and that foes were surrounding him. At one point he was certain he heard an airplane overhead and he quickly called for help to flag it down. Maybe it would bring rescue. He encouraged SOS messages to be sent over the radio. Help is needed.
Friends, help IS needed. SOS messages are storming heaven 24/7. We are waiting for that rescue. Daddy was in unbelievable torment last night. Rubbing his head. Afraid. Too afraid to close his eyes and rest as he was certain he would drown in enemy waters surrounding him.
My night has been filled with silent cries. Tears have washed my pillow.
"What do we do when we want to give in because it seems too hard?" I run again into my Heavenly Father's arms. I cry on His shoulder. You Lord, are my refuge and my portion in the land of the living (Psalm 142:5). Chart my Daddy's ship back to the mainland. Be His Life-Preserver.
Lyrics to old hymns flood my mind. "Bridge over troubled waters". "It is well with my soul". "Ship Ahoy". But, it's a childhood chorus, words slightly altered, that is the cry of my heart this morning.
Bring back my Daddy to me, to me
Bring back my Daddy to me.
Praying for renewed hope and courage - especially this afternoon at 2pm. A meeting, not of our doing, has been called. My mom, my sister and I will meet with two Dr's, the Director of Surgical Care, another hospital Director and a Social Worker to discuss the condition and future of my Dad. Needing divine wisdom and guidance.
Thanks for listening. Sorry for not having more of a word of encouragement today.
I am so humbled by the love, comments, prayers, verses that I have just come back and found here now. The Lord knew I would be needing to feel surrounded and hugged when I arrived home.
I am still trying to process all we heard this afternoon at the meeting. Short of a miracle, the man I knew as my Daddy will not be coming back to me. He has now been diagnosed with dementia and will probably not be coming home due to the violent tendencies he is exhibiting. Although my mind had already expected this diagnosis, my heart is fighting to accept and receive it.
It has been a long, tiring afternoon. Many more decisions lay ahead. THANK YOU so much for all your love, prayers and support. The Lord is my portion. I'm so glad He spoke those words to me yesterday...I am still clinging to Him today.
My family and I would still appreciate your continued prayers whenever you think of us. Trying to process this...
I love you all,
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I'm sitting eating a chocolate icecream drumstick!!!! YUMMY!!!! Friends, I'm celebrating!!!!!
Good news today. Actually, Dad was no better. I only visited for a short time as my presence seemed to be making him more anxious and confused.
The Doctor who performed the surgery on Dad 3 weeks ago yesterday has finally returned to the country. He left almost immediately after my Dad's operation, to fly out and be with his own father who had experienced a stroke. Well, he's back. Upon his return he was checking his messages and found one indicating my Dad's condition. He immediately called my sister Sharon and spoke with her on the phone for 40 minutes. He is shocked and appalled at what has happened. He is determined to get to the root of the problem.
He can't guarantee us that Dad's mental state is now irreversible, but he has promised to do whatever it takes to find answers and work towards a solution, whatever treatment or help that will involve. YEAH!!! We feel like we have someone on our side. We have been infused with hope. Someone is listening.
The Dr. told my sister that my Dad should not be excused as an 'old man'. He said my Dad is an educated, refined gentleman. He said he will be at the hospital first thing tomorrow morning. Tests will be done. Medication checked. Treatment given. He's going to help us try to find our Dad.
On another note, I just had a phone call from my sister. Apparently Dad decided to take a bath tonight...without telling anyone. The water dripping through the ceiling in the room below, instigated a phone call to the nurses on the floor above. Upon investigation, they discoverd my Dad, splashing like a duck, enjoying a warm bath, water still running. Wondering what he did with the catheter? Oh, my mind doesn't even want to go there....
Still...icecream never tasted so good. :o)
UPDATE: It gets funnier still.... My sister told my Mom this morning about my Dad's little mis-adventure in the tub. Her only question: "Did he have soap?" Oh my goodness!
"...rest from war..." Joshua 11:23
A war is raging and my Daddy's mind is the battlefield. Confusion. Delirium. Hallucinations. His speech is irrelevant and incoherent. He is disoriented in time and place as his memory fights with unseen warriors.
Last night the nurses had to wheel his bed out to their station as he would not settle and could not sleep. The evil one is fighting for control, of not just one mind, but five, as my entire family take up shields of faith and strap on helmets of salvation.
God has promised that victory will ultimately be His, but until that time the fighting is fierce. Satan has already advanced far enough. No more ground. We are armed with the Sword of the Spirit. Unseen beings are engaged in active duty. Purposeful, violent conflict intended to capture my Daddy will one day cease. Lord, I pray today You will give him rest from war. May He know Your peace that passes understanding.
"Jesus Your Name is power
Jesus Your Name is might
Jesus Your Name will break every stronghold
Jesus Your Name is life.
Jesus Your Name is healing
Jesus Your Name gives sight
Jesus Your Name will free every captive
Jesus Your Name is life.
Jesus Your Name is holy
Jesus Your Name brings light
Jesus Your Name above every other
Jesus Your Name is life.
Jesus. Something happens, supernatural, when we mention His Name.
Maybe you're like me. Maybe you don't always take the time to listen to songs posted on a blog. I stopped the other day while visiting someone in blog land and this song is continuing to minister to my heart. Say His Name. Something does happen.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
My 31 Steps to P31, She Speaks Conference :
For those of you who followed the chronicles of my journey last summer you know "I Found Joy in a BIG God". Enjoy my trip down memory lane if you desire a closer look or a deeper understanding of what this amazing weekend has in store for you by clicking on that link and reading my "She Speaks" 2008 experience. (It took me three weeks and 21 posts to describe all that God accomplished in my life over this weekend.)
Not only did I find joy in my BIG God, but I found real and eternal life as I stepped out in faith and trusted the Lord like I never had before. Prior to the conference my lips spoke empty words. Now my heart embraces The Word.
The general sessions were inspirational and uplifting. The break-out sessions were instructional and enlightening. The friendships made were bonding and everlasting. It was an incredible experience.
I feel like this is just a fun sampling of the weekend I enjoyed, but I hope just like the effects of eating a couple of potato chips or a mouthful of chocolate, it will have you yearning for more and that many ladies will be drawn outside their comfort zone, as I was, to taste and see that the Lord is good. It really is impossible to fully capture how personal the Lord became to me as I trusted Him, expected Him, called on Him and desperately needed Him every moment, every day. He is good. His mercies are new each morning. Great is His faithfulness.
I would love to return, knowing He who began a good work would be faithful to complete it. Last year fear almost kept me from following. This year finances are framing my freedom. I know God is able. There is no doubt in my mind that if the Lord wants me to return, I'll be there...somehow...someway...someday.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Well friends, since my last post we have been on such a roller coaster ride. I could post an update in the morning, and an hour later my report could be null and void. With every dip and turn in this ride of life, my heart plunges and beats wildly. The operator of the ride is refusing to hit that stop button. It's like a cruel game. We're riding the track endlessly and my head is spinning.
Although the pictures I've posted of my Dad give the appearance of recovery, Dad is still struggling. Physically he continues to improve, but mentally Dad is contending for control.
It's really hard to be known and loved in the morning, and forgotten and verbally attacked in the afternoon. The change is sudden and unpredicted. Slight, fidgety movements announce it's arrival. Abruptly and unexpectedly, my Daddy is gone and in his place is a man I don't recognize. A man who's words hurt, frighten and accuse.
Wanting to believe that God can still touch my Dad and perform a miracle. In an instant I know the Lord could bring clarity out of confusion. Holding on and trusting Him.
"Faith without works is dead". Decisions must be made in the meantime. Tough decisions. Please pray for my Mom, my sisters and I as we must grasp this new 'normal'...at least for now. Pray the Lord will give guidance and wisdom. Pray for direction and unity.
As we stand in the middle of our "Jordan" right now, pray that the Lord will keep our feet planted on dry ground, trusting in a God who will not let our feet slip (Psalm 121:3).
Thursday, March 19, 2009
A little chocolate contraband has never hurt anyone.
Dad is doing so much better. Unbelieveable. A real miracle!!!!
Since Tuesday Daddy has been coming back. He is still very confused; not eating much; BUT he hasn't been aggressive or violent in three days. The Dr's released him from all restraints Tuesday - that MUST feel good. A therapist came in and Dad made his "maiden journey" down the hospital hall with the aid of a walker. His IV has been removed. He's still hooked to a catheter and receiving fluids to help with the kidney failure, but all his counts have improved. We still haven't had the results back from the removal of the cancerous tumor on his bladder, but all is looking good. Praying the Dr's were able to get it all. He was taken off oxygen today, and is no longer receiving blood. Last night he had some difficulties with clots developing again. VERY painful. The nurses have to flush those out - *ouch*. Praying that will soon end. On the whole, he is doing so much better - a real miracle compared to the weekend. Sunday we were making decisions regarding resuscitation etc...a very difficult day - and now, today, he seems so much stronger. Can't wait to write the post about his homecoming!!!!!
The spark in Daddy's eyes has returned. At one point during my visit today, Daddy teared all up, as he tried to express his love for us. He said his heart couldn't be more full.
We wait now for Daddy to gain strength and his confusion to clear. Evenings are difficult. He loses sight of reality. My sister and her husband had an "interesting" visit tonight. Daddy is delirious. He thinks he is in prison and wanted them to sneak him out the back stairs. Poor guy.
I'm so thankful for all the prayers that have been offered on his behalf. Dad's recovery is due to more than medication. Lord may You continue to touch Daddy with Your healing Hand.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
This verse came to mind this morning as I was visiting my friend Cheri's blog.
I'm struggling to see God in my Daddy's health concerns. I know He's in his heart, I just don't see Him in his happenings.
As Cheri reminded me, this test is writing a testimony over my life.
"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail." Lam.3:22
"..blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed." John 20:29
I encourage you to visit Cheri's blog and be encouraged today. He's with us "In the Fog or the Furnace".
'Seeing' Him today, not because my vision gives sight, but because my heart knows He's there.
I will be back tonight to give an update on my Dad. Thank you for all your prayers.
Monday, March 16, 2009
and to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand;
Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never come,
But we have this moment today."
After a horrendous weekend, last night God gave us 60 minutes.
60 minutes of coherent conversation
60 minutes of lavish love
60 minutes of miraculous moments
60 minutes of precious ponderings
60 minutes of jubilant joy
60 minutes of high hope
60 minutes of carefree celebration
60 minutes of blessed breathing
60 minutes of embraced excitement
60 minutes of wonderful worship
60 minutes of noteworthy normal
60 minutes with my dear daddy
This morning time has stolen again the progress of those 60 minutes. Dad is bleeding profusely. Difficult decisions need to be made. Daddy is hooked up to machines and tubes. An oxygen mask appears as an intruder on Daddy's face.
Daddy is not the only one struggling to breathe. I feel like life is continually being sucked out of me. Breath of heaven, breathe on me...for the next 60 minutes and then I'll ask the same request again.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
"Open war is upon you whether you would risk it or not." (Aragorn, Lord of the Rings)
Open war is upon our family...upon me. The thief has come to steal my trust, kill and sacrifice my life and destroy my spiritual progress. Demonic opposition is delivering oppression. Hell has been enraged and satanic forces are hurling their mightiest weapons.
It's not peaceful in the invisible. A war of worlds is being fought. The evil one has a plan and an army behind the scenes and he's looking for an intentional attack moment to terrorize and torture. He knows my weakness and the battle for my life is raging with intensity.
Lord, I pray you will bind satan from further assault. Father give victory to my dear sweet Daddy who is living in torment. The powers of darkness and spiritual forces of evil are wielding weapons, but they cannot stand against You. Lord, deep inside this armor this warrior is a child and again I fall before You, drop my sword, and cry for just awhile.
Sometimes my little heart can't understand
What's in Your will, what's in Your plan.
So many times I'm tempted to ask You why,
But I can never forget it for long.
Lord, what You do could not be wrong.
So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
I know the answers, I've given them all.
But suddenly now, I feel so small.
Shaken down to the cavity in my soul.
I know the doctrine and theology,
But right now they don't mean much to me.
This time there's only one thing I've got to know.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the robin sing?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You.
I will trust You.
I will trust You, Lord.
I will trust You.
Artist: Twila Paris
Copyright: 1984 Singspiration Music
Be sure to read my prayer today, "Send the Rain".
Friday, March 13, 2009
Proverbs 13:12 "It is sad when you don't get what you hoped for. But when wishes come true, it's like eating fruit from the tree of life."
Tonight a chocolate dipped donut and a "Skiny Mocha" are like eating from the 'tree of life' as I celebrate today. Friends, rejoice with me. We have seen a breakthrough with my dear sweet Daddy.
My sister received a call from the hospital this morning. Dad was to have three hours of testing this afternoon, and the nurses felt he might be more cooperative and content if a family member accompanied him. My Mom, my other sister and I sat in the waiting area...praying...talking...rejoicing...hoping...praising. When Dad was returned to his room he was awake...very disoriented...still hallucinating, but much calmer.
As soon as I walked into his room, he held his arms open to me and as I bent over to give him a kiss, he cradled my face in his hands, just loving on me. His conversation is confused. His mind meandering. His focus following images that only he can see. Yet, he knew each one of us and called us by name.
When my Mom mentioned that it was Sharon's birthday today, he questioned the date and then sang two verses of "Happy Birthday" as our voices joined with his, tears streaming down our cheeks.
A third Dr. has been called in to work with my Dad. As she examined him she said, "Mr Dale, you've been a very sick man".
Tests results are coming back. The CT scan - clear! Ultrasounds - clear! The renal failure count that was over 500, is now down to 180. Dad is receiving antibiotics intravenously. The clotting from the removal of the tumor in his bladder is lessening. He said he felt like some "Pepsi" today and when Mom returned with some, he actually drank it!!! He even ate some jello. Friends we have seen huge progress today.
How can I ever thank you? For the first time in eleven days I am breathing. My stomach isn't turning. I no longer feel like I'm suffocating. Friends, you are all a part of this. In answer to the effectual, fervent prayers of many God is moving.
My Mom, both my sisters and I all received a Word from the Lord this morning. Then, I opened up my e-mails and began reading blog comments and I was completely overwhelmed by the response. I feel like I have so many to thank, and Lord willing, over the next little while I will visit each of you personally (assuming you have left some way for me to respond to you). I have never felt so loved. Your words, prayers, and thoughts towards me have blessed me abundantly. You have held me up when I couldn't stand. You have infused me with courage. You have encouraged me to keep trusting and not abandon my faith. You have called me to hold on to truth and believe that God was providing. You have listened patiently, gently reminding me that God was there. I feel blessed beyond measure.
I do want to specifically thank Melanie for setting up a prayer vigil for my family today. God used you mightily. Also, very precious friends Elaine, Melissa and Cheri, who continue to bless my heart in so many countless ways. My "Aaron" and "Hur", Carol and Lois, who daily checked in with me and surrounded me with love and prayers. May all who see the miracle in Room 7113, see God.
As my sister and I drove home from the hospital, we were singing, "Satan is vanquished and Jesus is King!" We don't know what tomorrow holds, but the Lord gave us an incredible gift today. Go praise and thank Him, then eat something chocolate!
(Don't miss how the Lord spoke to me today, Saturday, on my other blog, "Pondering In His Presence". God is good!!)
Well...I will still rejoice in the blessings of yesterday, but we were met by the nurses upon our arrival at the hospital this morning. Dad had become violent with a nurse again...clawing at her arms...."attacking" her is how it was described to us.
Still, the gift of yesterday was so precious...and for my sister's birthday. Thank You Lord.
I WILL still trust You. Continuing to pray.
Disappointed, heartbroken, but not losing hope.
Yesterday, I never did get to see my Daddy. He had gone so completely violent the nurses didn't feel it was best we come. Our family is caught in "days of Job", each one bringing more bad news. And not only am I watching my Dad suffer, but I'm watching my sweet little Mom have the life torn out of her.
Satan can arouse doubts, infuse anger, make us question, but he cannot, CANNOT claim our hearts, they belong to Christ. Oh for faith, to trust Him more.
Through tears, "This is the day the Lord has made", oh Father please give me the strength to "rejoice and be glad in it".
Today is my older sister Sharon's birthday. I won't tell you her age, but she was 18 years old when I was born. Although when I was younger it was more like having two mothers, she and I now are the closest and bestest of friends. I love her so very much. During these past eleven days I have leaned on her heavily and she has been faithful to carry me. I know the gift she desires most today and I pray the Lord will be gracious to give beyond what we can ask or imagine. Love ya sis.
Thanks again friends for your many words of encouragement and prayers. I can't wait until the day that the Lord breaks through and I have good news to share.
It could be today!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Another error occurred yesterday. Another mistake. Evidence of incompetancy. I'm struggling with responding in grace.
I need prayer.
"Do not forsake the works of Your hands."
I just got off my knees.
Four more calls from the hospital.
Dad has gone completely out of control. No-one can restrain him. He removed all his clothes...all his tubes...no-one can do anything with Him. He is violent. Friends...this is not my Daddy.
I'm crying out to the Lord....I'm sobbing, on my face, in His presence...
I just finished praying..."Where are you, Lord? You have promised never to leave us. Do not forsake my Daddy. If I can't hold on to You and know You are there, I have nothing".
What's happening? I don't understand. I'm so frightened I'm disappointing the Lord in my reaction.
Do years of following Him mean nothing now? My questions scare me...I don't want the evil one to take hold...Lord, I so desperately need you.
Again...His words to me this morning come..."Joy...you are lacking nothing". Is it there and I'm just not receiving it?
Lord, fill my lack.
(My Mom does not know this news yet...she is out with a friend doing some grocery shopping...we will tell her shortly. I don't know how much more her heart can take..)
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
God's Word tells me in Hebrews 6:18-19 that Jesus is my "city of refuge" and those "who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls."
Hiding in Him again today.
Yesterday we found out that Dad has acute renal failure, or kidney failure, to add to all the other complications and conditions. A specialist has been called in to attend to my Dad.
As I shared my heart with a friend the other morning, I told her how the Lord is giving me strength while I'm at the hospital, but I come home and collapse in tears. She reminded me of a song. It is my story right now.
Please pray today as I'm fighting anger...and struggling with the 'why God' and 'where's God'. Needing to know I am not alone.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Sweet friends....so many of you are checking in and sending me messages filled with hope and giving me strength when I'm strugging to hold on.
It's late and I'm tired, but I'll copy an e-mail I wrote earlier tonight to give you today's news. Please, please keep praying.
I wish I had good news. Today has been the worst day yet. We arrived at the hospital around 11am, but the nurses were working with Dad. He apparently didn't sleep all night and drove them all crazy. He pulled out his IV on his right hand and now it's all bandaged. They put the IV in his left hand and now it too has been removed - not exactly sure WHO did the removing...
Dad was in unbearable pain today...holding his head...complaining that his head and eyes are aching...moaning..rocking in pain...didn't open his eyes once while I was in the room. The drainage from his operation is still all showing evidence of clotting...something not right there. He is shaking uncontrollably - and not just like a shiver...something jerky and strange...don't know...
It's so sad. My heart is breaking. We couldn't take it. Sharon, (sister), Mom and I just went down and sat in the lounge. So helpless. Something else is wrong with Dad...this is not just complication from the surgery anymore...something else is wrong. We are all getting frustrated as day by day goes by and nothing is being done to check him out. Something else is happening.
Mom totally lost it - collapsed in tears - and we all just hugged, prayed and sobbed...I've never felt so completely helpless in all my life! We decided to go home- too hard for Mom to be there.
We went back to Mom's to make some tea and try to re-group. Sharon called the Hospital to register a report about Dad being given morphine when it said right on his chart in Emerge that he was allergic to that drug. We aren't a complaining family...but we felt we had to do something. The lady Sharon spoke with was so wonderful and she gave Sharon the name of the woman who is in charge of the floor Dad is on..not just the nurse in charge of the staff on that floor, but the gal over all. She was going to have this lady call Sharon.
We sat a few more minutes, then Sharon felt we should go to the hospital and speak with this woman...not wait for a call. So, Sharon and I drove back to the hospital. When we arrived the gal had just been given a call concerning Dad and she took us right into her office. She listened to everything that has happened to him since last Tuesday. She asked us to wait while she called Dad's surgeon. Apparently, in order for another Dr. to look at Dad they need to go through the surgeon who performed the operation...even though the majority of his needs right now do not appear to be related physically to the surgery itself.
We waited and she said that the surgeon had put a call into the other Dr., but was still waiting for him to return his call from YESTERDAY!!! This gal made sure everyone had cell numbers etc...so Dr's could contact one another. She said she would follow up on this and that today or tomorrow a Dr. would see and assess Dad.
Sharon and I left the hospital feeling somewhat better, but still helpless. We need a Dr. NOW!!!! We're watching Dad get worse every day...and no-one is doing anything....or at least that's how it feels. He's fading away before our eyes and our hands feel like they are tied. The nurses are wonderful and being so sweet with Dad, but they can only do so much. Dad needs a Dr.
We got in the car and continued to pray. Lord, we are doing all we can...we don't know what else to do...Eph 6:13 came to our attention..."having done all, to stand".
Sharon had to pick something up for Mom before we headed back home. On our way home Sharon decided to phone her home phone to retrieve any messages. This gal we had just met with had already phoned and left a message. The Dr. we were waiting to hear from had just gone in to see Dad. He has ordered a CT scan of his head, chest x-rays, blood samples, urine samples, an antibiotic, some other HP test...something to do with blood work...action is being taken. Oh, thank You Lord. I just started praising and crying in the car. Something is going to be done. Thank You, thank You Lord.
Praying that these tests will be conducted quickly and Dad will receive the help he needs. Something is terribly wrong.
The Pastor from my sister's church went up to see Dad tonight and he said that Dad seemed to be a bit more peaceful. He also opened his eyes and made a remark that his family isn't supporting him or coming. That breaks my heart. I know Dad is saying things that aren't true as he is still hallucinating...but it breaks my heart to think he is feeling so abandoned. We ARE there. We're doing all we know to do. Praying so hard that God will help him know he is not abandoned...that Daddy will know our love and His love. I want to just crawl into Dad's lap, like I did as a little girl and tell him, Daddy I AM here...we haven't left...we're thinking about you and praying for you continually..we LOVE you....
Totally exhausted tonight. Crying every few seconds. Emotionally and physically depleted. Praying for God's strength.
Singing through tears,
"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives."
Thank you, thank you, thank you for listening once again.
Tomorrow my friend...I'm holding on to hope for good news tomorrow,
**UPDATE** My Mom just received a call from the hospital. Dad is so agitated and 'out of control' they want our family to come. We are standing in desperate need of prayer today. God is able.
He Is Able
Lyrics by Rory Noland and Greg Ferguson
He is able more than able To accomplish what concerns me today He is able more than able To handle anything that comes my way He is able more than able To do much more than I could ever dream He is able more than able To make me what He wants me to be
© 1989 Maranatha Praise Inc
Friday, March 06, 2009
Since sharing the last update, my Dad has unfortunately taken a turn for the worse. We just barely arrived home from the hospital on Thursday night with hearts feeling somewhat encouraged, before a call came informing us that Dad again had become aggressive due to his reaction to the medication erroneously administrated by the hospital. It is so sad to see my Daddy in restraints. In all my life, this is the first time I have known him to be angry. My Daddy is the most gentle man you would ever meet. He has amazing patience. This is so out of character for my Dad.
Today, while other family members were nervous to venture into his room, the Lord gave me courage to go in...stand by his bed...kiss him and tell him of my love. After the Lord gave me the strength to take this step, both my sisters and my Mom were able to go into Dad's room and see him resting peacefully.
Physically Dad is still struggling with complications and concerns after the surgery completed on Tuesday. Today discussion was swirling that he will need another operation.
Dad is in need of sleep and rest. He basically hasn't eaten since Tuesday and is not on intravenous. The nurses tell us that they are keeping him hydrated.
I think the hardest thing today was going into Dad's room and loving on him the best I could and for the first time in my life not feeling his strong arms embrace me and hold me tight.
Tonight I'm falling into my Father's arms.
Thank you all for your e-mails, comments and phone calls. Your prayers are sustaining all of us at this time. I'm sorry I am not able to visit each of you personally, but exhaustion steals my thoughts and family needs consume my time. Please continue to pray.
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
***SECOND UPDATE BELOW***
Thank you so much for all the love and prayers you sent my way yesterday. Your comments and e-mails gave my family and I so much strength throughtout the day. Dad seemed to come through the surgery perfectly. Can you believe they sent him home around 4pm? All appeared to be going fairly well. I left my parents home around 5pm, but my sister called a couple of hours later saying she was taking Daddy back to Emergency. Some complications had developed and he needed to return to the hospital. She didn't feel it was anything too serious, but felt Dad required some attention and medical care.
I didn't hear from her again until around 9pm. Dad still hadn't been seen by a Dr. Oh...frustrating! Apparently there were people in the waiting room who had been there since 11am who were 'patiently' listening for their names to be called. My sister didn't see any need for me to come to the hospital, but I asked her to call again as soon as she knew anything.
At the time of this call, I was checking my blog comments. The last comment at that time was from a special friend who is also on Facebook with me. I signed into my Facebook account and she 'just happened' to be on-line. As my husband was out at a volleyball game, the Lord provided a precious friend to 'talk' with me and she and her daughter prayed for my Dad right then. I really believe it was no coincidence that she was there. I love how the Lord provides for our needs.
I did receive another call from my sister around midnight and the Dr. was just checking Dad's condition. My sister felt they would be at the hospital for at least another few hours as Dad needed to be accessed and treatment given.
At this moment, I don't know anything else. Please continue to pray for my Dad. I will add an update to this post as soon as I find out more.
One thing I do know, is that my Dad is in God's hands. So thankful for our Great Physicain who administers care even while we're waiting.
UPDATE: The following is the urgent prayer request that was sent from our church office. This is concerning my Daddy.
"Please be in prayer for Denzil Dale. Denzil had outpatient surgery yesterday and went home. He then had some complications and had to go back to the hospital. After being there for a long time they took him in and proceeded to administer morphine, which he is allergic to and had a bracelet on indicating this allergy. He has had a very severe reaction. He has had to be restrained; is having hallucinations etc. Please pray for Denzil and the whole family as it is so very difficult for them to see him this way."
As the nurses did not feel it was best for us to see my Dad, although I have been at the hospital since 9:30am, I have not seen my Daddy today. He gets too agitated when he sees family, as he is determined to go home. This IS NOT MY DAD! This is the result of the morphine, erroneously admistrated. Please pray that the effect of this drug will wear off. Pray that my Dad will calm down. Pray that the Dr's will be able to deal with the physical concerns that caused my Dad to return to the hospital. Pray that no other mistakes will be made with his drugs. Pray for my Mom and my sisters and I. We are beside ourselves with concern and so very tired. We worry that Daddy feels abandoned as his family is not visiting him. We are such a close family, not seeing him is almost killing us. Please pray that we all will get the rest we need and be able to trust the Lord in and through this situation.
Thank you again for all your comments, messages and phone calls. It's good to know we are not alone. I wish I could hug you all. Sending my love.
I just received a call from my sister. My nephew (only 5 years younger than me) has spent the last 4 hours with my Dad. Although Dad was agitated earlier because of the effects of the morphine, he has calmed down. They have moved Dad from Emerge to a semi-private room and although he still has restraints on his hands, they are no longer attached to anything. He has finally been able to have something to eat and appears to be resting peacefully. Rob (my nephew) said that Dad still seems a little vague and is very tired, but he is talking coherently and recognized Rob and was asking after the rest of the family. This is all great news and a direct answer to prayer. The physical problem that initiated the return to the hospital is also clearing up. My heart, so heavy just hours ago, feels like a huge weight has been lifted. I cannot begin to thank all of you for your love and prayers. Please continue to pray and I will write a new post tomorrow with further updates.
Love & hugs to you all!!!!! :o)
Monday, March 02, 2009
My Daddy has always been my Knight in shining armour. He was the first man I ever fell madly in love with and therefore I had very high expectations for all other suitors. My Dad's been the solid rock and provider for his family for 65 years this May.
He captured my little girl heart and he never...never has let me down or disappointed me. In his arms I feel safe. Hearing his voice brings comfort and security. He used to love playing Board Games and still is a master storyteller. Dad has a natural ability to imitate others and he used to often have me rolling on the floor in laughter as he would retell one story after another, fascinating and enrapturing his audience. All would listen spellbound as he travelled back to days past, adventures taken, tales of love, and my personal favourite - the story of the 'Dale Twins'. Dad would then recount the events surrounding the miraculous birth of my sister and I - the rush to the hospital - our birth at 25 weeks - no hope for our survival and then how God spared the life of two little 1-pound babies. Dad would hug me and all seemed right with the world.
He's been a faithful man of prayer. Early every morning, when I still lived at my parents home, I would see him go to his 'Prayer Chair', Bible in hand, and spend time with his Lord. His Bible is a treasure - dog-eared corners, scribbled margins - words that tell a lifetime of heartache and joy - a life lived before and for his King.
He adores my Mom - still at the age of 83 remarks on how beautiful she is to him. They hold hands. They dance in the kitchen. Eat suppers by candlelight. He's been a romantic through and through.
Dad's famous line has been, "Leave it with me". He never say’s 'no'. He has reached in and become involved in the lives of friends and strangers. He is never afraid or ashamed to speak of his Lord and he's led people to Christ in his home, his office, his car, on the street, in a restaurant, over the phone - God's love has no boundaries in my Dad's life. God was his life. God is his life. God sustains his life. Dad's life has been held in God's grip of grace.
His daughters stole his heart. My sisters and I never for a moment have doubted that we are loved. We are his princesses. Whenever we've been damsels in distress, Dad would be there in seconds in response to a child's scream because an intruder - often a spider - had invaded their kingdom; a piece of living room furniture was lodged in a doorway and a royal daughter needed rescuing; a precious daughter was standing abandoned on the curb side as her car had failed her - but her Daddy never did; or something broke and needed to be repaired.
My sisters and I always believed that Daddy could fix anything. As I grew older I realized it was true. He was the repairer of my toys, the care-giver of my cuts and scrapes, the solver of my problems and the mender of my heart. If my car broke down…call Dad. If an appliance stopped working…call Dad. If an unexpected emergency arose…call Dad. If I needed someone to talk to…call Dad. If my tears needed a shoulder…call Dad. He was my ‘911’ and available at any hour of the day, any day of the week.
Now, Daddy needs fixing and I am helpless. His world is changing. His needs are changing. My once strong, brave, dependable Daddy can no longer carry me and my concerns. I'm not prepared for the changes I'm seeing and I don't welcome them. Tonight, Dad’s health is a concern. He is having surgery tomorrow morning. Things can change so quickly. Too fast. I want to build moguls on the slope to slow down the aging process. I need the respite of a few speed bumps.
Although he sits with me now - still my parent - our roles have changed. The man who once provided for my every needs fixing. I place Him in our Father’s care. A Father who truly can fix anything.
Thank you in advance for any prayers offered for my family tomorrow.
My Daddy and his girls:
(If you're looking for my daily blog, click here: Pondering In His Presence.)